What do you expect from such simple creatures?
Your last name stays put.
The garage is all yours.
Wedding plans take care of themselves.
Chocolate is just another snack…
You can be President.
You can never be pregnant.
You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
Car mechanics tell you the truth.
The world is your urinal.
You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
Same work, more pay.
Wrinkles add character.
Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental-$100.
People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
One mood all the time.
Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
You know stuff about tanks.
A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
You can open all your own jars.
You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
If someone forgets to invite you,
He or she can still be your friend.
Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
Three pairs of shoes are more than enough..
You almost never have strap problems in public.
You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
Everything on your face stays its original color.
The same hairstyle lasts for years, even decades.
You only have to shave your face and neck.
You can play with toys all your life.
One wallet and one pair of shoes — one color for all seasons.
You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives
On December 24 in 25 minutes.

Men Are Just Happier People

NICKNAMES
If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah. If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as
Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman

EATING OUT
When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in $20, even though it’s only for $32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.

MONEY
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn’t need but it’s on sale.

BATHROOMS
A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
The average number of items in the typical woman’s bathroom is 337.
A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.

ARGUMENTS
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE
A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE
A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn’t.
A man marries a woman expecting that she won’t change, but she does.

DRESSING UP
A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.
A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL
Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
Women somehow deteriorate during the night.

OFFSPRING
Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favorite foods, secret fears and hopes
and dreams.
A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There’s no use in two people remembering the same thing!

SO, send this to the women who have a sense of humor and can handle it ….
and to the men who will enjoy reading it.

There she stood on the highway
I heard the ringtone bale
And I was thinking to myself
This could be Phalguni Pathak, not Adele
Then she lit up a metch stick and she showed me the way
There were voices down the corridor
I thote I heard them say…

Welcome to the nite of disco dandiya
Such a lovely place
Such a lovely face
Planty of food at disco dandiya
Nine nights of year, you can find it here

Her mind is gathiya-twisted, she got the healthy thighs
She got a lot of pratty pratty boys, that she calls bhais!
How they do garba in cot yard, switt summer swat
Some go arararara, and some forgat!

So I called Baku fui’s husband
please bring my chaas
he said we havent had that glass since we have nirjal upwaas
End steel those voices are colin froam far hawey!
Wake you up in the middle of ratrau
Just to hear them say…

Welcome to night of disco dandiya
Such a lovely base
Underneath your drase

They shakin it up at disco dandiya
what a nice surprise, bring Rames, Sures bhais!

Mirrors on the ghagra choli
Pink odhni that is supakk nice
Aney she jau we are al just dancer here, wearing zari work on our Levi’s
And then at Ghatkopar samaaj hole,
They gaythered for the feast
They eat it all with gusto
and go back to buffet hole for one more repeat!

Last thing I remember, I was
Running for the loo
I had to wait back
for people to finish before
Relax said Bakul maasa
We are programmed to receive
You can EAT as much as you want
But you cannot just SHEET!